Parenting Suggestions

“Joyce & I have raised 6 children and are involved in the lives of our 12 grandchildren. We have learned through experience that we can suggest and guide, but not “tell” any of them what to do. The suggestions set forth herein are based on “lessons learned” both our good and poor parenting decisions, as well as those sent to us by readers of this web site. Hopefully, you will find them helpful.”

  • Never threaten a punishment that you are not prepared to carry out. Shortly after one of our sons learned to drive, I found myself threatening to take the car away for a month (driving infraction). We live 20 miles from his school, and he knew that I would suffer more that he would if I carried out my plan. HOWEVER, when I suggested that I was going to ground him for the weekend, we both knew I could do it. P&J
  • ALWAYS Tell your children you LOVE them, no matter what they do. Express your frustration about their “action”, and never personalize your criticism. P&J
  • Managing Electronics and Media
    Updated by owner on April 29, 2018

    Do not kid yourselves! Managing electronics and media with children is one of the most challenging issues facing parents today. Studies universally show that overuse of electronics is “harmful” to children. In our opinion one of the primary impacts is they negatively impact a childs’ ability to develop relationships. Children loose sensitivity, thoughtfulness, and empathy.

    Many parents have a reactive approach to managing phones/pads/games. They wait until they are fed up, then over react. This generally results in conflict/yelling and upset. A better approach would seem to be to develop a plan in advance of loosing you patience. Try to involve your child in a discussion involving time limits, times of use/non use, etc. This will not be easy, but if you can get buy in from your child, the chances of having a workable plan will be greatly increased.

Please share your parenting story in comments below. Thank You!

2 thoughts on “Parenting Suggestions

  1. Kristine Lisi says:

    After EIGHT summers, my daughter will be attending Kingsley Pines as a camper for her last time this year. I remember back to the first year, when I waited for 2 weeks to get one piece of mail, and the one letter I finally got – the day before I was leaving to pick her up – was a full page of “I miss you so much,” “please come get me,” “I’m homesick,” etc. Well, she obviously wrote it during her first few days, because she did NOT want to leave when I arrived to take her home. In fact, she never looked back. Waiting for summer to roll around again, just so she could see her camp friends once more, was something she talked about all year long. When asked by her lower school teacher to do a collage of her “happy place,” she made a full poster board of pictures from Kingsley Pines. She loved that every year she could learn something new. She had independence and fun all in one place. Did she ever get homesick again after that first summer? A little, but she informed me that every year it was less and less, and by the time she became an “older camper,” she wanted to be dropped off the minute the camp opened and didn’t want to leave until the last possible moment. And she also started doing two sessions! No surprise to me — I still get just one letter, but it’s filled with great stories. They will be fun to pull out years from now.

    It’s hard for parents to let go of their children, particularly when they are 8-11 years old. At those ages, kids are still sweet and snuggly, and every day with them is a wonder. However, giving them the opportunity to be “on their own,” even when the counselor to camper ratio is so close, is one of the best things you can do for them. This kind of (supervised) independence has more benefits than I can list, but building confidence and self-esteem may be the two biggest I can think of when he/she goes to Kingsley Pines. They learn to live with others, they learn to do things by themselves, they learn to problem solve, they learn to do new things, etc.

    Letting go, even for 2-3 weeks, may seem hard to do, but it is truly the best thing you could ever do for your child.

  2. Pat & Joyce says:

    Micromanaging kids’ negatively impacts their Emotional Well-being!

    A new study warns that micromanaging kids’ play may negatively impact their emotional growth. Children need opportunities to manage their time, and choose their activities. Youngsters who were told by their mothers what toy to play with and how were less able to control their emotions and impulses by age 5. 10 year olds who lived with “helicopter parents” were more likely to be struggling academically, and develope a poor attitude toward school. Children need to learn to manage their emotions by practicing managing them without direction from their parents. Children must have space and time to play independently!

    We all love our children and want to “help” them succeed. This study confirms that children need space to do their own thing, make their own mistakes, and solve their own problems. If you think you are a hovering parent, maybe you need to rethink the way you interact with your children? How can a child learn from their mistakes, you are constantly rescuing them? This does not mean that you should ignore dangerous situations, just a little more thinking before you act.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.